


when quackity knows everyone

by capn_cronch



Series: cap'n's schlackity stories [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Multi, please dont take any of this seriously, this is literally just a chatfic lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29642688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cronch/pseuds/capn_cronch
Summary: duck you: GUYS A RACCOON JUST BIT MEranboob: now u are bonded for lifeb e e s: this is a gift from the gods, big qduck you: NO NO NO THIS IS A DENNYS PARKING LOT RACCOONranboob: O NO~~~DISCLAIMER: I AM IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM SHIPPING REAL PEOPLE!!! ONLY THE DSMP CHARACTERS!!! THAT SHIT IS WACK!!! DONT DO IT!!!
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Sam | Awesamdude, Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Cara | CaptainPuffy/Niki | Nihachu
Series: cap'n's schlackity stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145279
Comments: 20
Kudos: 178





	when quackity knows everyone

**Author's Note:**

> hey! if you're here from my other fic, whats up? hows it goin? if you're new, what's up? hows it goin? see what happens when you bookmark/leave kudos, you get an extra greeting at the beginning of every single one of my stories, except for the first one  
> so hit that kudos button, for an extra greeting
> 
> FOLKS *c l a p*
> 
> OK THIS FIC WAS JUST SITTING IN MY GOOGLE DOCS AND I ALWAYS ADD TO IT WHEN I GET BORED SO ENJOY

_duck you added jd kinnie, women love me, b e e s, and technoblade to im in trouble and its all your fault_

duck you: so you're probably wondering why i gathered you here today

women love me: yeah tf is happening

duck you: your dad told sam about the party and i got in trouble

duck you: ive been grounded😔😔

technoblade: sounds like a you problem

duck you: tf????? im????

jd kinnie: just stop being grounded???? its not that hard🙄🖐

duck you: i hate yall

b e e s: you dont mean that quacks

duck you: no im pretty sure i do

women love me: how can you hate tubbo?????

women love me: hes tubbo

duck you: i dont hate him cause he wasnt there

duck you: but

duck you: the rest of yall are on my hit list

b e e s: can i add ranboo????

duck you: sure

_duck you has made b e e s an admin_

_b e e s has added ranboob to im in trouble and its all your fault_

ranboob: uhhh hello???

women love me: RANBOOB

b e e s: welcome to the chat ranboo😌✨

ranboob: o thanks ig

ranboob: tubbo you havr mrs mahoney right???

b e e s: yeah why

ranboob: how many sentences does our intro have to be

b e e s: at least five

ranboob: ok good mine's six

duck you: i had mrs mahoney last year

duck you: hated that class

jd kinnie: you???? had???? an???? a?????

technoblade: yeah a n d she liked you

duck you: she was annoying asf

jd kinnie: youre not wrong

duck you: shit sams calling me for dinner

duck you: bye guys

_duck you went offline_

technoblade: o yeah, phil says dinner is ready

women love me: FUCK YEAH BEEF STEWWWWWWWW

technoblade: you're way too easy to please

_technoblade went offline_

_women love me went offline_

_jd kinnie went offline_

b e e s: puffy said dinner is ready too

b e e s: bye ranboo!

ranboob: bye tubbs :))

_b e e s went offline_

_ranboob went offline_

~•~

_b e e s renamed the chat im just chillin in cedar rapids_

b e e s: you made the mistake of giving me admin privileges big q

duck you: o

duck you: o no

_b e e s has changed duck you's username to schlatt simp_

women love me: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

jd kinnie: ITS FUNNY CAUSE ITS T R U E

ranboob: TUBBO OMIGOD-

b e e s: what???? its true🙄🖐

schlatt simp: tubbo i will obliterate your kneecaps

b e e s: ok and????? i dont need them anyway

_schlatt simp has removed admin privileges from b e e s_

_schlatt simp has changed b e e s' username to apple juice_

apple juice: YOU SNORT APPLE JUICE O N E T I M E-

women love me: KDHAODHSIFIR I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT-

_jd kinnie made jd kinnie an admin_

schlatt simp: what wha-

_jd kinnie added business man to im just chillin in cedar rapids_

schlatt simp: NOPE

_schlatt simp has left the chat_

_jd kinnie added schlatt simp to the chat_

_schlatt simp has left the chat_

_jd kinnie added schlatt simp to the chat_

business man: what the fuck is happening

apple juice: ur guess is as good as mine

_schlatt simp has left the chat_

_jd kinnie added schlatt simp to the chat_

schlatt simp: well i tried

business man: who tf are all of you

business man: except techno, tubbo, and wilbur

women love me: tommy

ranboob: ranboo

schlatt simp: i refuse to say

business man: another one????

business man: i really hope that isnt you bella-

jd kinnie: its not

jd kinnie: its quackity :)

schlatt simp: WILBUR WHAT THE FUCK

women love me: o7

apple juice: o7

ranboob: o7

technoblade: o7

schlatt simp: I HATE IT HERE

business man: o

business man: hi quackity

business man: i have no idea who you are

schlatt simp: good

schlatt simp: this is good

schlatt simp: i can change my name and run away

apple juice: what about sam

schlatt simp: o shit you're righy

schlatt simp: tell him i died

apple juice: ill work on my crying right away big q

business man: o wait quackity

business man: i know you from debate club in like 9th grade

schlatt simp: fuck

schlatt simp: maybe i'll die for real

business man: wait no dont die you're so seggc ahaha

jd kinnie: JAIL-

women love me: BAHHAHAHAH HES SO RED

schlatt simp: SHUT UP TOMMY

apple juice: no one:

big q: 🔴

women love me: PLEASE-

schlatt simp: we're not friends anymore

business man: ok wait you're actually pretty cute

business man: wanna get coffee on saturday??

schlatt simp: o

schlatt simp: O

schlatt simp: OK UHH WHAT TIME

business man: maybe around 10:30am??

schlatt simp: YEAH IM FREE THEN

business man: sweet, see ya there

jd kinnie: what the fuck just happened

schlatt simp: i have no idea but i think i might start hyperventilating

apple juice: not you going on a date with my brother

women love me: not you going on a date with tubbos brother

apple juice: OMIGOD-

women love me: WTF

apple juice: 🧠↔️🧠

jd kinnie: @business man watch out for sam

jd kinnie: if you fuck with quackity, you fuck with sam

business man: who tf is sam

schlatt simp: my foster dad

schlatt simp: dont worry abt him lol

jd kinnie: o you should definitely worry

apple juice: sams like 6'7

women love me: and a fuckin genius

ranboob: doesnt he literally o w n a full set of armor

technoblade: yeah dont fuck with that guy

business man: i didnt believe you until techno said something

schlatt simp: you guys

schlatt simp: sam isnt even that scary🗿

jd kinnie: that's cause he loves you

apple juice: yea you're literally his favorite

schlatt simp: i dont see it

technoblade: do u guys remember when jake beat the shit out of ducky over here and sam literally almost murdered a minor

jd kinnie: lmao yea

jd kinnie: but jake had it coming

women love me: yeah he was an ass

apple juice: remember when he made fun of eret for wearing a dress and wilbur and techno literally jumped him and got suspended for a week

technoblade: he deserved it

apple juice: YOU PUT THE GUY IN THE HOSPITAL

jd kinnie: ok and??????

apple juice: cant argue with that logic

~•~

ranboob: guys can you tell niki that puffy likes her back cause shes being a useless bi rn

apple juice: o god puffy is literally the exact same

ranboob: JUST KISS ALREADY

apple juice: FR

women love me: have you guys seen big q

women love me: i need help with economics hw😩🖐

apple juice: now that you mention it i havent see him or schlatt

apple juice: i think schlatts in his room actually

women love me: tubbo think before you walk in

apple juice: OH GOD I FOUND THEM

apple juice: TOMMY IM COMING OVER

apple juice: MY EYES

apple juice: MY EYES

schlatt simp: IM SORRY TUBBS

apple juice: IM NOT TALKING TO YOU Q

ranboob: NOT THE SINGLE Q-

business man: TUBBS WAIT-

apple juice: YOURE NO LONGER MY BROTHER

apple juice: TELL PUFFY TO PACK MY THINGS

apple juice: IM MOVING IN WITH TOMMY

jd kinnie: wtf did yall do to him

_apple juice named the chat i caught my older brother making out with one of my best friends ___

____

____

jd kinnie: O

____

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jd kinnie: OMIGOD

____

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women love me: IM???????

____

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business man: WE WERE IN MY ROOM IT WASNT LIKE WE WERE OUT IN THE LIVING ROOM

____

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schlatt simp: TUBBS PLEASE

____

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apple juice: IF THAT HAPPENS AGAIN IM TELLING SAM

____

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schlatt simp: YOU WOULDNT

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apple juice: I WOULD

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women love me: IM GONE🚶🏼🦽

____

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jd kinnie: schlatt your ass would get beat so quickly-

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business man: im well aware wilbur

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technoblade: o god

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~•~

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schlatt simp: ok who told sam

____

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women love me: right

____

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women love me: about that-

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schlatt simp: tommy

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women love me: yeah big q????

____

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schlatt simp: look out your window

____

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women love me: HOLY FUCK HOWD HE GET HERE SO FASNEBSKDHDIUFODNT@:78):&/$3

____

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apple juice: o my fuckin god he fuckin dead

____

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business man: HELP SAM KNOWS

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business man: IM GONNA DIE TONIGHT

____

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jd kinnie: youre on your own bud

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business man: HIDE ME UNDER YOUR BED WIL

____

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jd kinnie: no can do schlatt

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business man: WHAT THE FUCK WHY NOT

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jd kinnie: cause this is way too entertaining

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technoblade: yeah say your final words schlatt

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business man: I LOVE YOU QUACKITY

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business man: WILBUR SOOT IS DEAD TO ME

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business man: I HOPE TOMMY DIES PAINFULLY

____

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business man: GIVE TUBBO MY EIWHRKWNKj&&/$827-83)-8€8;&/

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apple juice: WAIT GIVE ME WHAT

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apple juice: SCHLATT

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technoblade: yeah hes dead lol

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apple juice: i won,,,,but at what cost

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jd kinnie: guys phil and i found tommy

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jd kinnie: hes been taped to the ceiling with a note that says 'leave him here for a good long while'

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schlatt simp: its what he deserves

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_apple juice added cap'n puffs to the chat_

____

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cap'n puffs: hey, i found schlatt tied to a chair with tape over his mouth

____

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cap'n puffs: care to explain???

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jd kinnie: tubbs caught him and quacks making out and tommy told sam who tied schlatt to a chair

____

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cap'n puff: schlatt did what????

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cap'n puffs: yeah hes staying there until dinner

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cap'n puffs: thanks

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_cap'n puffs left the chat_

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apple juice: no one:

____

quackity: yes i am the favorite thanks for asking

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schlatt simp: i love puffy but if she could let my boyfriend go that'd be great

____

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technoblade: go break him out

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technoblade: your princess awaits

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schlatt simp: i hate you

____

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~•~

____

business man: IM FREE

____

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business man: TOMMY IM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU

____

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women love me: oH GOD NO

____

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women love me: TUBBO SAVE ME

____

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apple juice: nah im good

____

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women love me: WTF???? IM?????

____

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jd kinnie: lmao imagine being TommyInnit™ rn

____

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jd kinnie: couldnt be me

____

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technoblade: was that a reference to the time tommy tried to start a youtube channel

____

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ranboob: LMAOOOOO I REMEMBER THAT

____

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apple juice: ME AND RANBOO WERE FORCED TO PLAY SO MUCH MINECRAFT

____

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women love me: GUYS NOWS NOT THE TIME

____

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women love me: HOLY SHIT I THINK I SEE HIM OUTSIDE IN THE LAWN

____

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women love me: WIL DONT LET HIM IN WTF

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women love me: I LOCKED THE DOOR THERES NO WAY HE CAN GET IN

____

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women love me: WAIT A DAMN MINUYEJAHEISHEKNSOFSI@:$-93$19iehK

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apple juice: rest in pepperonis

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apple juice: here lies Theseus "Tommy" Craft

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apple juice: you will be missed

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ranboob: fly high king😔🙏🏻

____

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jd kinnie: gone too soon

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technoblade: the little shit had it coming

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technoblade: this is what he gets for eating my fuckin cookie

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schlatt simp: glad we can agree on smth tech

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technoblade: im?????

____

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technoblade: are we not best friends????

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schlatt simp: idk

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schlatt simp: are we??

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technoblade: i take it back we're not friends

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schlatt simp: WAIT TECHNO IM SORRY

____

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technoblade: friendship with quackity ended

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technoblade: ranboo is my new best friend

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ranboob: koolio

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technoblade: i changed my mind

____

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technoblade: quackity we're friends again

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schlatt simp: THANK GOD

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schlatt simp: QUACKNOBLADE NEVER DIES

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ranboob: i feel

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ranboob: hurt?????

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apple juice: its ok ranboob, i'll be ur friend

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ranboob: :OOOOO

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ranboob: thanks twobo

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apple juice: :]]

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ranboob: :]]

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jd kinnie: tf

____

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jd kinnie: that was lowkey wholesome

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business man: yeah wtf get that shit outta here

____

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jd kinnie: o big guy ur back

____

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business man: yup the problem is all taken care of

____

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_technoblade added dadza to the chat_

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dadza: Why is Tommy taped to the ceiling again?

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schlatt simp: he deserves it

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business man: yeah the guy is a prick

____

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apple juice: how many times has tommy been taped to the ceiling now???

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technoblade: 10 times this month

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apple juice: sounds about right

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dadza: That explained nothing to me.

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dadza: I'm gonna go now.

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_dadza left the chat_

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schlatt simp: how can i feel the disappointment through the phone

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jd kinnie: its the power of the Phil™

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~~~

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_schlatt simp added dré, snapchat, sleeping beauty, and k a r l that kills people to the chat_

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schlatt simp: friend group one, meet friend group two

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apple juice: big q i will never understand how u know literally everyone

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schlatt simp: its a talent

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dré: quackity tf is this🧍🏼

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schlatt simp: a group chat???? are you dumb???? are you sick in the head????

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snapchat: who tf are these people tho

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women love me: wow

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women love me: rude

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sleeping beauty: can you guys shut up

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sleeping beauty: im trying to sleep

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dré: when a r e n t u sleeping george

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sleeping beauty: shut up dream

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dré: make me twink

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sleeping beauty: IM NOT A TWINK

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business man: idk ur giving me big twink energy

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business man: almost as bad as quackity :)

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schlatt simp: SCHLATT WTF

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schlatt simp: BETRAYED BY MY OWN FUCKINH BOYFRIEND😩🖐

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k a r l that kills people: o so this is the mysterious bf👁👁

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schlatt simp: fuck😺

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snapchat: im assuming its schlatt cause of q's name

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business man: whats it to ya sinus

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snapchat: HOW

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snapchat: HOW DID U GET THAT

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business man: shrugs

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ranboob: did u just fucking type out shrugs

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business man: shrugs

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ranboob: i hate it here

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apple juice: he literally does this all the time i hate him so much

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dré: can we please get some introductions

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apple juice: o right lol

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apple juice: im tubbo, pronouns are he/him

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ranboob: im ranboo, pronouns are he/him

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women love me: tommy, he/him

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dré: my names dream my pronouns are he/him

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snapchat: sapnap (not fuckING SINUS-) and my pronouns are he/him

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sleeping beauty: george, he/him

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business man: schlatt, probably the coolest guy you'll ever meet, he/him

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k a r l that kills people: karl, he/him :))

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schlatt simp: y'all already know me

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schlatt simp: @technoblade @jd kinnie

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jd kinnie: tf do u want

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jd kinnie: o

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jd kinnie: im wilbur and my pronouns are he/him

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technoblade: techno, he/him

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schlatt simp: now that we're all aquatinted

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schlatt simp: i am currently bleeding out

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women love me: QUACKITY WHA- 

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**Author's Note:**

> how was that??? literal ass??? yeah❤️
> 
> pLEASE LEAVE KUDOS AND COMMENTS IT MAKES MY SEROTONIN GO📈📈📈


End file.
